Monday, June 24, 2019

If you're suffering, keep going

I'm sorry, I know I have been screaming about how difficult shit is here. It's been a ridiculous struggle.

I might have secure housing soon. I'll have a basement but everything is on one floor. This is going to improve my energy a lot and I'll be able to work on things I want to work on again.

I have my diagnosis and I'm working on disability paperwork.

My psych meds are at a great spot. They aren't too high so I'm not experiencing increased body heat, which was why the last few summers I've been having a really hard time with the heat. This year I don't feel like I'm constantly sweating, thank the gods.

Therapy is at the point that I don't need to go every week anymore.

I am working on things I like even though it hurts to do it.

Pain meds are still out of my grasp but kratom and medical marijuana seems to be helping some of the pain. I am at least able to get my hygiene taken care of.

Did you know that most of those tv infomercial things are for people with disabilities? Lots of stuff like slapchop and the vegetable salad bowl cutter help people like me who don't have much strength be able to prepare food. Even the snuggy was made for limited mobility people. I'm still finding more stuff that can be useful and I'll put it in a wishlist. I used my grabber the other day to clean up stuff off the floor and my apartment isn't a hot mess anymore. These mobility supportive stuff really helps.

I have opened up AlbiaSquared again and started working on animals again. Some of these guys came out beautiful and I can't wait to release what I'm working on.

I have added more stuff to my Etsy store so please look! I really love the pieces I have made and I hope you'll consider picking something up or commissioning me with an idea for a nerdy piece. I've started making two more coasters yesterday. I'll also be streaming some of the code work this week for AlbiaSquared. Please consider donating! I also opened up a channel in discord so you can talk to me about any bugs you found.

Things are improving but it's still rough every day. I'm happy to be doing things I enjoy again.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019


I think I might be screwed.

We have a month left to try to find a home and put an offer in. Most of the houses I have been having problems with is because they are not accessible enough or they have something that violates FHA. Hooray for discrimination!

Capitalism doesn't care about us, because I have genetic health problems that cant be controlled.

The planet is on fucking fire though, and I'm watching society collapse in real time.

I have lost all my fucks. I have no more fucks to give.

Maybe someone will magically buy me an accessible home, and I wont have to panic about having a stable living situation. The most accessible houses are in the 80k range and we are only able to look at 75k or less because I cant work anymore. We cant rent anywhere on Jeff's income alone. I dont know what to do anymore. I just want to live in west Cleveland. I just want to live my last miserable years in one fucking place while my body falls apart, and be able to use a wheelchair to get around in my house.

People with EDS age faster in some ways. I lose my mobility as joints become less stable and more prone to dislocating or shifting. I dislocate or partially dislocate large joints at least once a month. My ribs slipped a couple times this past month just from how I was sitting; I will be just chilling working on art, or just watching fucking Netflix, and I suddenly can't breathe. I hate it.

When is society going to pick up disabled people and support them? Probably never.

I'll probably be homeless eventually, as happens to most people with health problems.

my life is fucked lmaaoooo