Saturday, February 8, 2020

projects, updates

My computer is back, I'm feeling better, and the PTSD symptoms have started to roll back as well. I been working on making some coasters, one will be H2O molecules and they will actually show polarity. I've also been painting coasters and pendants again. I recently made two round pendants of a plate of micrococcus Luteus. I hope to make more agar plate looking pendants because I like to layer stuff in resin and making mini agar plates would be really fun.

I've been working on the animals for Albia² and got a few done. I will be back to broadcasting creatures and testing COBs probably in the next few days. I'm hoping to have enough recordings to practice editing with.

Ketamine has really helped my pain and I'm able to reduce a few meds. I definitely don't need as much pain meds, and I been able to do art more frequently. It really helped my depression too. I highly recommend it if you have chronic pain and mental illness, but also do your own research.

Ahh I missed my computer, so happy to have it humming in the background again.

Wednesday, January 29, 2020


I had shitty flashbacks about work today because I was in a Cleveland clinic hospital for a long time for one of my friends. It sucks that I was bullied out of my job plus I was sexually objectified by a co-worker, and I believe I have PTSD from the whole thing. I probably was blackballed by them too cuz I couldn't get a job afterwards even though I have three degrees. I applied everywhere and was rejected everywhere.

I don't understand why they ruined my life. I wanted to be their friend, I wanted to let them in my life, and instead they hurt me. No wonder I was so suicidal when I worked at the clinic; it wasn't that my meds weren't working, I was being assaulted every fucking day in every fucking way and it made me want to die. Thankfully I survived and didn't go through with killing myself, even though all my meds were taken away at that critical time. If I didn't have Jeff, I would be dead. 

Are you proud of destroying me? Are you happy to ruin my life so completely that I can't even return to a hospital without having a panic attack? I hope the both of you are fucking miserable. The least you could do is pay my fucking health bills off, which is around 8.5k now. Ill never be able to return to work again cuz this has compounded into my already long history of PTSD. 

Why? Why did you fucking do this to someone that was already traumatized, that shared their horrid experiences with you, and looked to you for support? Are you happy that I'm like this now? Was it fun to destroy a human being so completely? It must have been. You must have gotten some kind of power trip doing this to me, cuz you clearly didn't give a shit about me when it was over. Otherwise you might have said you were sorry. Instead you both blamed me and destroyed my career. Cool.

If anyone can help me out with my medical bills, you can donate to my PayPal: